The Back to School Honeymoon Is Over
I love the beginning of a new school year!
I don’t have kids in school anymore and I still love it. It’s filled with so much promise and excitement. The new clothes, new school supplies, shiny new shoes, your new desk that is so organized and in some cases a new planner that promises complete and total organization!
No more missing assignments, no more tests sneaking up on us, no more projects done until all hours of the night before the due date, and no more discouraged kids that feel like they can’t get a hold of their school life.
With all of that there is also a new attitude with the proverbial promise “this year is going to be different!”
And alas, here we are, a few months into school, and all of that promise and excitement is out the window and we’re back in the depths of discouragement and questioning how we got here!
If you’re like most parents, especially those with neurodivergent kids, you have reached the first point in the school year where the back to school promise and excitement “honeymoon” is definitely over!
And you may have just completed the first round of conferences where the realities of how your child is doing set in and the expectations you had, are not being met.
So now what? What do we do?
β First of all: Let’s reset our expectations.
With neurodivergent kids, we probably all overstate the impact of the new year and new attitude. This isn’t about “attitude” or even behavior! This is about structure, routines and teaching skills that our neurodivergent kiddos can work within.
Neurodivergent brains know what they need to do; they know that they need to keep track of assignments, plan ahead, get started early, stop procrastinating, etc. The issue is that their brain neurology doesn’t help them do what they know they need to do in the moment! So they are often discouraged by the fact that they cannot do what they know they need to do and don’t know how to change that.
β Second: We need to check out “all our nothing” attitude.
We all have ups and downs. Just because we wish it to be so, doesn’t ensure that it is! These neurodivergent kiddos need more than good intentions to follow through! They need the adults in their lives to build external structures and routines that “encourage” the behaviors that are necessary to keep them on track at school.
β Third: We must employ the power of “yet”.
When things aren’t going the way we want, we need to have a compassionate, curious attitude around what is working and what is not working. “We aren’t able to do this ‘YET'” We need to employ a growth mindset and learn from the struggles. Help our children learn that when things aren’t going our way, it’s ok, things will get better tomorrow and if we can learn from the struggles, even better. This helps build resilience and grit and normalize the ups and downs of life!
β Fourth: Make baby steps and review progress.
Learning new skills and implementing tools take time especially for neurodivergent kids. Take it step by step – one baby step at a time. Periodically step back and review progress.
Where were you a month ago, 6 months ago and what progress have you made? Make sure to celebrate any and all positive movement! Positive encouragement keeps kids moving forward and helps them feel a sense of empowerment and accomplishment.
Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903
