The ADHD Myths I Believed—Until I Lived Them

I didn’t come to ADHD understanding through a textbook.

I came to it through my own children, and later, through years of working as an ADHD therapist with families who were trying their best but often working from the wrong assumptions.

And if I’m honest, I also came to it through my own upbringing, one that was structured, predictable, and very rule-driven. For a long time, I assumed that if something worked for me growing up, it should work for my kids too.

It took real-life parenting and clinical understanding to slowly, humbly, and sometimes painfully unlearn that idea.

There were moments that didn’t make sense at first… until they did. And when they did, they changed the way I saw everything.

3 ADHD Myths That Hurt Kids (and the Moments That Made Me Re-Think Everything)

Myth 1: They're lazy.

I remember sitting across from my child, watching them try to start something simple.

From the outside, it looked like resistance. Like avoidance. Like “not trying.”

But over time, both as a parent and clinician, I learned something consistent with what the research on ADHD shows: what looks like “laziness” is often an executive functioning challenge, especially with task initiation and working memory.

There were so many moments where my child genuinely wanted to begin but couldn’t bridge the gap between intention and action. It wasn’t laziness. It was overwhelm. It was a brain struggling with activation, even when motivation was there.

That shift alone changed how I responded—and how I supported them.

Myth 2: They just need discipline.

This was the one I had to confront most personally.

I was raised in a structured household. There were routines, expectations, and clear boundaries. So naturally, when things felt chaotic with my own children, I tried to apply what I knew: more structure, more consistency, more discipline.

But instead of things improving, I often felt more confused and honestly, so did they.

What the evidence in ADHD treatment consistently highlights is that behavior is deeply linked to regulation and executive functioning, not just willpower or compliance. Kids with ADHD often already understand expectations; the challenge is accessing those skills in real time, especially when their nervous system is dysregulated.

That’s when I began shifting from purely consequence-based approaches to strategies that are widely supported in ADHD interventions:

• external structure (visuals, routines, cues)
• co-regulation before correction
• breaking tasks into smaller activation steps
• movement and sensory regulation strategies

It wasn’t about less structure—it was about different structure.

And that changed everything for us.

Myth 3: They'll grow out of it.

I held onto this one longer than I realized.

It sounds hopeful, right? Like time alone will smooth things out.

But both lived experience and longitudinal research show something different: ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, meaning it typically persists across the lifespan, even though how it presents can change significantly over time.

What I saw in my children wasn’t ADHD disappearing; it was ADHD evolving. Different stages, different demands, same underlying wiring.

What actually made the difference wasn’t waiting for it to go away. It was learning how to understand it earlier, so skills, self-awareness, and supports could grow alongside them.

Because outcomes improve significantly when ADHD is identified and supported early—not because ADHD is “gone,” but because the person is better equipped.

Looking back

Raising ADHD children and working with ADHD families taught me something I didn’t expect to learn so deeply:

Most of the struggle wasn’t coming from the child. It was coming from misunderstanding what the behaviour actually meant.

And once I started seeing differently—through both lived experience and clinical understanding—I stopped trying to force strategies that weren’t designed for ADHD brains.

Instead, I started focusing on what is supported by evidence: regulation, structure that fits the brain, and compassionate understanding paired with practical tools.

That changed everything.

And it still does.

Be well,

Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA
ADHD-CCSP Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach Parent Coach Educator
612.930.3903