“Surviving” The Holidays

Thanksgiving is upon us! How could that be? I feel like we just got done with summer! This Fall has been so “weird”. It was super hot for so long and then all of the sudden it’s cold and the leaves haven’t even completely fallen!

I don’t know about you but the holidays with kids and especially kids with ADHD, can be a mixed bag of merriment & misery!

So what can we do to prepare for the holidays so that you’re not just surviving but thriving?

➛ Plan ahead.

Family get togethers can often be overwhelming for children, especially those that are neuro-divergent.

“Boring” conversations with the adults, endless “free time”, seemingly endless “waiting” for the fun to begin.

Plan activities that are designed especially for your children and what they’re interested in. Scope out areas that might be private and appropriate for your children to regroup if they begin to have a meltdown. Plan out an escape route so if your kids start to reach their limit, make sure you’re able to get them out before they reach “critical mass”.

➛ Review your expectations.

You know your children better than anyone. How long can you expect them to participate before they reach a limit? What kinds of activities will they participate in and what kinds of activities are they likely to get bored with? What are their needs for activities, family time vs. quiet time, etc.?

Then plan your days accordingly.

➛ Implement structure & predictability.

Kids often struggle with holidays or days off of school because there is no structure. So even if you have a loose structure, it is necessary and kind for your children. Develop and maintain a similar structure on weekends and days off of school and then carry those through the holidays too. Then your children know what to expect and are less anxious when entering the “unknown” of unstructured time. It’s often helpful to post the schedule where they can see it and review it often.

➛ Look for the cues!

When participating in larger family activities, you need to watch for the cues from your kids. You know your kids – you know their triggers and you know the cues that they exhibit when they are starting to reach their limit.

When they’re heading for the meltdown, you can intervene and remove them to a quiet place to regroup. You can then reinforce that their feelings and struggles are ok and you are modeling good self-care for them.

➛ Review your family traditions.

Some of the predictability for children can be carried out in your family traditions. If you have family traditions during “non-holiday” time, maintain those traditions during holidays weeks as well.

For instance, if you have kids cook nights, pizza and movie nights, or other nuclear family traditions, continue to involve the kids in maintaining those during holiday weeks.

Introduce larger family traditions to the kids ahead of time and make sure that you maintain a balance between those larger family traditions and downtime.

➛ Set boundaries & work as a team.

Many times when families with kids that have neurodiverse brains interact with their larger family & friends, they face criticism, judgement and misunderstandings.

People often do not understand neurodiversity and how the ADHD brain works. They see the struggles of these children as behavior issues and often expect you as the parents to “get your children under control”.

In those cases, you have to make the decision whether you’re going to try and educate them or simply set boundaries and maintain support of you and your family.

Talk with your partner ahead of time and work together to develop a plan for the holidays and watch for the cues with each other so that you can “tag team” when you and/or your children need a break.

Holidays can be tricky but a little planning and flexibility can minimize the misery and maximize the merriment!

If you want to understand more about ADHD and what behaviors are impacted by this disability,  join us  for a full day of education on what ADHD is and how to deal with it with with yours truly along with demonstrations on the implementation of moveMindfully techniques with Kathy Flaminio!

Click here for more information and to take advantage of our early bird registration..

Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903