Strap-In – the Holiday Season Is Coming!

The Holiday movies are starting again on Netflix and the Hallmark Channel. All the holiday commercials show pictures of happy kids, meaningful gifts, and idyllic holiday scenes. Every year, we hope for the peace, joy, and family connections that we see on TV. Even on Social Media people are sharing their fun and meaningful activities.

But behind the scenes, especially if you have neurodivergent kids, this is not the reality of the holidays. We do our best, we hope and pray for better behavior, the meaning and connection of the season to sink in but alas, we are left with over-tired, over-scheduled kids that struggle with “boring” family get togethers where we just “talk” and their brains reach overload!

Neurodivergent brains have different strengths and struggles than we do. We have to be curious and compassionate about how their brains work, what they need in holiday situations, what helps vs. what increases their struggles and what we can do to prepare.

The first key is education – It’s important to understand the neurodiverse brain, especially your child’s unique brain. This understanding will help you develop greater compassion for their challenges.

The second is listening! Ask questions about what the holidays are like for your child, what is helpful to them, what they want to do, what is not helpful to them and observe the source of frustration when they get frustrated. Instead of relying on your understanding of the situation, rely on their lived experiences and instead of fixing it, ask questions about what is hard about those frustrating tasks.

Then you’re ready to Plan!

The third key is to plan ahead! Using the knowledge you’ve gained from your child’s descriptions of their experiences, strengths and struggles, put together a plan for holiday get togethers.

Are there specific comfort items that could help? Consider toys, games, or activities that keep them interested when they feel bored or overwhelmed. It’s also important to find a quiet spot where they can take breaks, regroup, and calm their nerves.

The last part of the plan should include a Plan B or escape hatch if you notice your children are reaching their limits or starting to boil over! If you must, divide and conquer or just take them back to a familiar environment.

Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP 
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903