New Year’s Resolutions! To do or not to do??

We’re coming to the end of 2023 and like me, most people start to reflect on their past year, what went well, what didn’t go so well and how to make things better.

New Year’s Resolutions are tricky! Many of us try and come up with a New Year’s Resolution to drive new behavior! There’s something completely compelling with a “new start”. We love them! New year, new me, new beginning!! And then when the going gets tough, then the motivation wanes and our resolve and that new year’s resolution falls to the wayside!

So how do we make these goals stick and stick to the changes we want to make?

1 – First of all, our New Year’s Resolution has to be reasonable and doable!

Losing 100 pounds, starting a new habit like going to the gym 3 times a week, or overhauling your schedule is not something that can happen overnight! You must choose a baby step that moves you in the right direction. Maybe you look at how you can fit in a walk once a week, start menu planning to eat healthier or finding a calendaring system that might work. Then try it! Once you get some experience doing the new thing, then evaluate early and often what is working, what is not working and why? I’m a big growth mindset person – what are we learning from what’s working and what’s not working? Then tweak and continue to work on it.

Then once that baby step is set in stone and solidified as a habit, what’s the next step to move you forward? This is not a 1 time/year activity – this is an ongoing implement, evaluate, adjust cycle!

2 – You have to find a way to ensure that the goal is going to be met!

Most people can’t just decide to go forward with a new habit and then will it to be so! To ensure that the goal is going to be met you have to implement a system that ensures that it will be met! So, how can you fit exercise or food prep into your system, who can support you to do those things to help keep you accountable, can you schedule the activities into your calendar with reminders, can you pair the new activity or goal with other things that are already habits and then how will you remind yourself and keep yourself accountable to do these things?

A new system to implement the new goal is important and the maintenance and accountability to that system is equally important! I often say to client – how will you remember to remember to do “the thing”? You can also implement.

3 – What do we know about internal motivation?

Remember when we talked about Internal Motivation? Many people and certainly people with neurodivergent brains don’t have strong internal motivation centers in their brain. So you can’t rely on your own “willpower” to implement new habits or changes in habits! You have to rely on external systems, external reminders, external structures and accountability partners!

4 – Be creative!

For many of us who are dealing with our careers, home life, neuro-divergent kids, activities and all the rest of our crazy lives, coming up with a New Year’s Resolution is not something that even crosses our radar! For many years, the only New Year’s Resolution I had was to “Have more fun with my kids”! In fact, that is my New Year’s Resolution every year! And I implement new traditions and plan activities often to do just that! I want to connect with my kids, have more fun, not focus only on the struggles and stress – so I plan things that we can do to improve our relationships, laugh, be silly, and just have fun!

Another thing that I have done in the past and many people really like is picking a “Word of the year”. This word of the year gives you a “north star”, a word that guides your actions, your activities, your choices and what you say yes or no to. There are several people that offer “Word of the Year” workshops.

If you’re interested in a Word of the Year workshop, please  click here for details. RSVP is required as space is limited.

Last thoughts . . .

New beginnings are compelling and exciting! Many people have high hopes at the beginning of the school year or at the beginning of the new year – high hopes for great change, things to be better, ways to do better and anything to make our lives simpler and more fulfilling! We need to set realistic expectations, look at continuous improvement every day and constantly evaluate what is working and what isn’t and why!

I’ve often referred to a quote from Bob Proctor that “Successful people do the things that unsuccessful people won’t.” and they continue to do it every day. Successful people consistently do the things that will move them closer to their goals, they implement systems that ensure that they are consistently taking the necessary steps, they accept failure and learn from it, keep their eyes on the goal and practice the steps to get there every day even when they become boring!

Note about the class!! Two Weeks left of early bird registration!!  We’re offering an in-person option and zoom – when we get to 35 in person, then we have to close in-person and then only offer zoom option! Click  here to register.

Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903