Let’s Be Honest—Parenting an ADHD Child Can Be Exhausting

If you’re parenting a child with ADHD, you’ve probably heard the phrase “put on your oxygen mask first” more times than you can count. But let’s face it: putting yourself first feels unnatural. It goes against every parental instinct you have. You're constantly prioritizing your child’s needs, often at the expense of your own—because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to do. And then, the guilt creeps in.

But here’s the truth: when you don’t take care of yourself, it becomes harder to show up as the calm, patient, and present parent your child needs. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

When we care for ourselves—mentally, physically, and emotionally—we parent from a place of compassion and connection, not from burnout. Here are some gentle reminders to help you make self-care part of your everyday routine, so you can show up as your best self:

1. Meet Your Basic Needs First
Sleep, food, movement. These aren’t luxuries—they’re foundational. Start by making sure you’re eating nourishing meals, getting enough rest, and moving your body in ways that feel good. These basics impact everything else.

2. Focus on What Really Matters
Try not to get stuck in the little things. Ask yourself: “Will this matter tomorrow?” Does it truly matter if your child skips wearing a coat if there’s no recess that day? On the other hand, if it’s 15 degrees out, and they’re outside for 30 minutes, that’s a different story. Prioritizing the big things and letting the little ones slide can free up a lot of mental space.

3. Be Aware of Your Emotional Triggers
Notice your patterns. What sets you off? When do you feel most overwhelmed? Once you identify those triggers, you can build healthy coping strategies—whether it’s stepping outside for fresh air, journaling, or turning to a creative outlet. Taking care of your mental health supports your parenting in powerful ways.

4. Create Simple Routines
If you struggle with executive function yourself, you’re not alone—many parents of ADHD children do. Structure and predictability can help you feel grounded and in control. The same tools that help your child (like calendars, timers, or to-do lists) can work wonders for you too.

5. Make Time for Joy
Carve out space in your day for things that light you up. A quiet coffee in the morning, a short walk with a friend, music while cooking, or a phone call with someone who makes you laugh.

And don’t shy away from bigger joys either—join a book club, take a class, play a sport. You deserve it.

6. Celebrate the Wins
Big or small, your accomplishments matter. Maybe you made it through the day with patience. Maybe you remembered the permission slip or finally scheduled that appointment. Whatever it is—own it. You’re doing a lot.

7. Practice Self-Compassion
You will make mistakes. We all do. When that happens, notice your self-deprecating remarks, pause and ask yourself: “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Be kind to yourself. Show yourself the grace you so freely offer others. Know that you aren’t alone in parenting mishaps too. And when you mess up? Use it as a teachable moment—for you and your child.

8. Connect with Other Parents
There is power in shared experience. Find other parents who get it. Whether through support groups, social media, or just a neighbor down the street—surround yourself with people who understand and won’t judge.

9. Let Go of Doing It All
You do not have to carry everything alone. Delegate what you can. Ask for help, accept help, and set boundaries. It’s not weakness—it’s wisdom.

10. Don’t Forget to Put Yourself on the List
Yes, the to-do list. This week, make sure you are on it. Whether it’s a 10-minute break or a full evening off, remind yourself that your needs matter too. Because when you care for yourself, you become a more patient, more present, and more compassionate parent. And that’s a gift for your child.

Anne Silverman, MSW, LICSW
she/her(s), 
Kaleidoscope Coaching & Counseling
anne@kcccares.com, www.kcccares.com
(763)300-4214