Just Give Her the Glasses
When I meet new clients with ADHD, my first step after hearing their unique stories and collecting initial information is to dedicate time to educating them about ADHD. I explore what it truly is and what it isn’t, dive into the world of executive functions, and discuss how these functions influence daily life for those with ADHD—whether at home, at work, in school, or within relationships. I often hear responses like, “Have you been living in my house?” or “That’s spot on! How did you know?”
I also frequently come across stories filled with pain, shame, guilt, insecurity, and fear of judgment, and it truly breaks my heart. These experiences inspired me to begin my journey to help others with ADHD, especially after my oldest daughter and husband received their diagnoses at the same time.
In my office, I witness a transformative moment for many individuals with ADHD—they finally feel heard and understood, often for the very first time. This is the cornerstone of my mission. Over the past 23 years, I have passionately dedicated myself to studying ADHD, delving into the intricacies of the ADHD brain, and empowering individuals to embrace their unique strengths while navigating their challenges. This journey is not just a professional pursuit for me; it is deeply personal. I live this experience every day at home with family members who have ADHD, as well as in my meaningful work with clients. Together, we’re building a community of understanding, resilience, and hope.
When I engage with a group about ADHD, I often select someone wearing glasses to illustrate a powerful point. I ask them whether they are nearsighted or farsighted, and then I invite them to remove their glasses. As they struggle to read something up close or far away, I might encourage them to try harder or express mock frustration. But then, I pause and reflect: does this actually assist them in reading the words without the glasses that are essential for their vision? The answer, of course, is a resounding “no!” No amount of urging or sighing will change that reality. We would never treat someone who needs glasses this way; instead, we simply give them the glasses!
It’s the same way with ADHD – this is not a behavioral problem. Kids with ADHD don’t choose to act this way; they face challenges related to how their brains are wired, making it hard for them to manage their actions in the moment. Still, we often show impatience, express frustration, and put down those with ADHD for their struggles. We wouldn’t shame someone with a physical or intellectual disability; instead, we provide them with the tools and support they need to succeed.
My hope is that we act the same way toward individuals with ADHD; extend that same understanding and support to them. No one deserves to feel judged, belittled, or disapproved of for something beyond their control. That really bothers me, which is why I’m committed to sharing accurate information about ADHD.
To that end, I’m teaming up with Kathy Flaminio from moveMindfully and other mental health professionals to host a one-day intensive education session on ADHD.
For more details, check out more information about the event here. I hope to see you there!
Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903
