Family Get-Togethers With ADHD – How To Set Your Child Up for Success!

Summer is in full swing and with summer comes family get-togethers, vacations and outings. I’m not sure about you but my kids always struggled with the unstructured time, unpredictability and over-stimulation that comes with the summer barbecues, spontaneous summer days and vacations.

So how do you set yourselves and your child up for success when planning for these activities?

1. Let your child know that their feelings are valid and help them to articulate their feelings. Children often have a hard time expressing their feelings which may lead to bottling them up. This leads to explosions, tantrums and outbursts often at very inopportune times! Observe their behavior and help them to identify their feelings by saying something like “it looks like you’re feeling nervous”. Ask questions about where they feel that in their body, what does it feel like and how would they know they’re feeling a certain thing. When they’re able to articulate how they’re feeling, then you can help to problem solve how to move forward.
2. Plan ahead – make sure that you have a plan for your family and your child. Make sure to include extra grace and understanding for your child so they don’t feel judged or criticized. They need to know how to take care of themselves and their needs in a constructive way and making sure you plan together helps them to focus on problem solving instead of shaming.

• Pack a rescue bag – ensure that you have extra snacks, activities and comfort items for your kids in case they become over-stimulated and need a break.
• Scope out the location – if your child reaches their breaking point, make sure that you know where you can bring them to have some peace and quiet, some place where they won’t be interrupted while they’re taking a break.
• Help your child visualize what it will be like – often children with ADHD have a hard time imagining what a new place or event will be like. Facing the “unknown” of a new place, new people or new event often causes anxiety which sets you all up for struggles before you even leave your home. Walk through what the place looks like, visit the place ahead of time if possible, talk through who will be there, what types of activities will be there, etc. so your child can “pre-experience” and prepare themselves for the event before you leave home.
• Secret word – a secret word can ensure that your child has a way to notify you if they are feeling overwhelmed and need a break. Make sure you come up with the secret word ahead of time and practice it often so your child remembers when they get into a bind.
• Notice the signs – you know your child better than anyone. What are the telltale signs that they’re escalating. Even if they can’t recognize it, you may be able to head off a meltdown if you can recognize those signs. Then you can help them to learn the signs as well.
• Prepare a “script” to address family and friends – we often face questions, comments, judgements or “advice” from well-meaning family & friends. Prepare a script ahead of time to indicate what you need from them and set firm boundaries around what is helpful and what is not in these situations and then stand firm. If they are not able to support you, then remove yourself and your family from the situation and find a group of people who can be helpful and supportive. 

Your child’s well-being and learning is the top priority. If you plan ahead and implement the plan firmly and calmly, you set your child and yourselves up for success. Then the family get-together is not only enjoyable but also an important learning opportunity for you and your child!

Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP 
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903