ADHD Strengths and Struggles – Your Mindset Matters!

In my last blog, I started the conversation about what ADHD is and what it isn’t. Before I continue with the discussion of executive functions, I wanted to address a foundational principle that is important for all our work with individuals who struggle in some way.

When our children, or anyone we love, struggle – it’s hard to watch! I remember very vividly the first time my oldest daughter skinned her knee – It was devastating! The harsh reality is that we all have struggles and we must learn how to embrace our struggles, find ways around them or ways to deal with them and then let our awesomeness shine through!

"When we pay constant attention to mistakes, we discourage our children. We cannot build on weakness — only on strength." — Rudolf Dreikurs

Rudolf Dreikurs was an American Psychiatrist and Educator who furthered the principles of Alfred Adler’s Psychological philosophy. He contended that “we cannot build on weakness, only on strengths” and “when we focus on mistakes, we discourage our children”. This aligns beautifully with Carol Dweck’s work in Growth Mindset.

A growth mindset, proposed by Stanford professor Carol Dweck in her book Mindset, describes people who believe that their success depends on time and effort. People with a growth mindset feel their skills and intelligence can be improved with effort and persistence. They embrace challenges, persist through obstacles, learn from criticism, and seek out inspiration in others’ success.

Those who hold a growth mindset believe that they can get better at something by dedication of time, effort and energy. Working on one’s flaws, and the process—not the outcome—are the most important components. With time and practice, people with a growth mindset believe they can achieve what they want.

A growth mindset means that you thrive on challenge, and don’t see failure as a way to describe yourself but as a springboard for growth and developing your abilities. Your intelligence and talents are all susceptible to growth.

This is true when you’re facing a struggle like ADHD. A growth mindset is imperative when you have struggles or challenges. When you understand the struggle, then the problem solving takes over and you’re able to find or develop creative ways to address the struggle and minimize it’s impact on your life!

Successful people are no strangers to the power of mindset. Sara Blakely talks about how she learned at an early age how to embrace the power of mindset and an attitude of creativity & curiosity. She described her father’s daily ask of her and her sibling – “So, what did you guys fail at this week?” This redefined and normalized failure for her. It wasn’t about not accomplishing something, it was about not trying your best or finding a way.

Michael Jordan’s famous quote – “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed” is another example of growth mindset. He has faced many failures and struggles in his career and he has taken those challenges and learned from them. What can I do differently next time to do better.

I believe that building grit, developing a growth mindset and resilience is more important when we’re dealing with an issue like ADHD. Individuals with ADHD not only deal with the daily struggles that their brain wiring issues cause, they also face mis-information, judgement, frustration and criticism from the many people they interact with on a daily basis.

Russell Barkley indicates that studies have shown that individuals with ADHD receive up to 85% negative messages daily when compared to approximately 15% negative messages for those who are not impacted by ADHD.

In my work with individuals and families impacted by ADHD, they are some of the most resilient people I know. They continue to get up each morning with renewed hope that today will be different and they will find a way to deal with their struggles!

This brings me back to another one of my favorite quotes from Rudolf Dreikurs – “We cannot protect our children from life. Therefore, it is essential that we prepare them for it!”

Understanding our struggles, taking the stigma out of “failure” and finding a way to deal with them opens us up to problem solve. It takes away shame, embarrassment and other debilitating emotions. This frees us up to explore and exploit our strengths! That’s where the magic happens! 

Judy Richardson-Mahre, MA, ADHD-CCSP 
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
ADHD Expert & Coach
Parent Coach
Educator
612.930.3903